Shani lived her life exactly as she dreamed and wanted. She lived by her constant slogan – ‘No time for drama’. This was her way of life. She didn’t care how much money she had in the bank, or when she needed to go to sleep because she had to get up early for work. Shani was purely interested in one thing, enjoying life. She took advantage of every minute, flew to every place she wanted, went out non-stop, went to the beach every weekend, and simply did what she felt like. How true that was, and how lucky she was to do it. Always living on the edge, experiencing every moment exactly as she wanted, and not limiting herself because of others, as if she always knew that life was so short and every moment had to be seized. Overall, Shani achieved everything she wanted in life. She dreamed of being a lawyer from a young age and achieved it with honors. She dreamed of flying to festivals around the world and had already been to Tomorrowland before the army and hundreds of other parties and festivals in Israel and abroad. She dreamed of moving to live in the central region and managed to live with roommates in several apartments in Tel Aviv.

My sister, it’s been a long time since we talked. Wow, how much I miss you. Everyone is waiting to hear what I have to say about you, but where do I start to summarize and how is it even possible? After all, you were the one who was good with words and you’re not here now. In the last 47 days, we’ve traveled all over the country and the world, turned every stone to bring you back. I’m sorry, I’m sorry you went through this. I’m sorry for what you saw. I’m sorry we didn’t get there in time. I’m sorry I wasn’t with you. I promise you we tried everything – but we couldn’t save you. Your absence is felt, your absence at home. It’s too quiet here. We were sisters by the book, fighting, and then laughing, exploding, and then apologizing or even ignoring as if nothing happened. Stealing clothes from each other, or more accurately, you from me. But that’s the essence of being sisters, isn’t it? In good times and bad, when it’s fun and even when it’s a little less fun. A void like the one you left can’t be filled, and what am I supposed to do now? You left me alone. I’m trying to strengthen our parents and Aviel, but where are you to strengthen me? How lucky that you left Alpha. It’s impossible to look at him and not feel you. You loved life and life loved you. You lived it to the fullest, leaving your mark everywhere you went. Because that’s you – Shani Gabay. But for me, you’ll always be Shani, my big sister, my partner. I will miss you forever.

My sister… Hey sister… From childhood, you taught me what it means to be a big brother. Remembering every moment you were here, or forgetting everything? Trying to remember the smallest moments, just wanting to see your smile on your face. But every moment I remember, a tear also falls already. I thought I was strong, but you know what? I’m shattered. Just let me go back to the most beautiful times when you smoked a joint and binge-watched a few series. Thirsty for one more small ‘cheers’ with you, just to hear your chilling voice. To lie on the beach and disconnect. To see you with the hula hoop in another breathtaking dance. To go out with the dogs or talk about this and that. What can I say, Shani… You are one of a kind… There’s no one else to copy more joie de vivre from, there’s only sadness and pain, what have you done, God? And trying to remember and trying to be strong. But the sadness overcomes me, and let’s not talk about the distance. And today everything is different and looks very strange. Who am I without you? At most, another alien. You’ve become an angel and that’s typical of you. But let’s see now who Aviel is without Shani.

My beloved Shani, it’s hard to sum up when it feels like you’re so here, so alive. I love you and thank you for years of good friendship, unforgettable experiences, and life insights. You were a loving and special sister to me. I will forever remember you as a flower child, loving life and knowing how to appreciate the moments from small to big. I’m still waiting for you to send me a message and ask me what I made for lunch, waiting for an attack of silly reels and lots of recipes in the middle of the night, or some kind of opening a table on Saturday morning at a restaurant and eating until our stomach hurts. I promise we will commemorate you in ways that you love, and I ask you to give me signs that you are here, accompanying me. I’m adding here the song that we played on repeat in Sinai, which over the years has become ours. God willing, in due time, I promise you that Aviel and I will sit on the balcony and tell our children what an aunt they had. Come visit me in my dreams. I love you.